Have you ever looked at another woman and wondered why her hair was so much bouncier than yours? Or scoped out the website of a brand that offers the same services or products as you, and felt the knot in your stomach when you got serious website envy? Maybe you feel bad every time you see that chick on Instagram with the house that had to be designed by some guru on HGTV. So often, we measure our own self-worth based on the perceived success we see others achieving, which, basically, leaves us feeling like crap about ourselves. While chatting with a girlfriend about this self-sabotaging habit, I couldn’t help but wonder: what is it that keeps so many of us addicted to the frustration that comes from wanting what someone else has?
Imagine you’re browsing Facebook, marveling at the funny cat videos that litter your newsfeed, when you spot a sponsored ad, promoting an e-guide on growing your own catnip, similar to the one you released last month?
Here you were, thinking you had this unique idea, only to have your competition shoved in your face.
Upon further investigation (because you know you’re going to click on that ad), you are floored by the way your new arch-nemesis managed to make growing catnip feel trendy and fun. Her website looks professional and polished (unlike yours, that you’re kind of embarrassed to claim as your own), and words clearly flow from her fingertips in a way you can’t even begin to compete with.
You’re lucky if you get a blog post together that says “Hey! Look at these cute cats! I just love cats. Mainly because they’re furry. And just cute. Check out these pictures of cats I love.”
Clearly, other people love what this crazy (yet cool) cat lady is selling, because her Facebook page is poppin’. Her Instagram is filled with pictures of her furry felines, lounging on her couch that probably costs more than your car.
Oh, and when she takes selfies with her cats, they look something like this:
And you just posted this gem yesterday:
Welp, looks like it’s time to crawl back into the hole you came from, and go back to working at PetSmart. Right?
I mean, how can you compete with all that awesomeness? The answer is simple, actually. You don’t have to.
I know, I know, that other woman, offering the exact same thing as you, feels a whole lot like competition. But the truth is, you have no idea what her story is, so comparing your business to hers makes about as much sense as comparing a pair of Valentino pumps to heels advertised at Payless as part of their BOGO sale.
So, she’s the fabulous, fashionable cat woman, and you’re the awkward, slightly hairy in all the wrong places cat lady. Guess what? There are a whole mess of cat lovers out there, just like you, that would be completely intimidated (and totally turned off!) by all the glam on prettykitty.com. But when they come to iheartmyfurbabies.com, they feel right at home. They love that you’re just like them. They’re as obsessed with funny cat videos as you are, and they have the same exact corduroy couch, that they got at a garage sale, just like you did.
They’d never bookmark a site filled with catnip and champagne. But your site? Well, they’re all over it like a mouse on cheese.
Besides the fact that your businesses may be geared towards entirely different audiences, that aren’t competing at all, you have no idea what the truth is behind prettykitty.com.
Maybe that woman is freaking miserable. Perhaps her parents died in a horrible accident, and she was able to hire someone to design her website because she was left some money. She’d much rather have her mom to call when times got rough, than to sport a fancy website. Maybe those amazing selfies, with the crazy cool decor, are taken at her friends house, because she lives in her car. That fabulous hair could be a wig, because she’s in the middle of chemo treatments.
I mean, seriously, you have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. How on earth are you going to be jealous of something that as far as you know, could be nothing more than smoke and mirrors?
I challenge you to stop being envious of what other people have, instead focusing that energy on appreciating what you have already achieved, and kicking some serious butt so that your dreams become a reality.
Because at the end of the day, measuring your own success based on what you think someone else is doing, is robbing you of your joy.
Not only that, you’re wasting a whole lot of time you could be using to transform your business into the kind of thing dreams are made of!
The most important step you can take to be all “hey, girl, you’re fabulous!” instead of “ugh, you stupid girl with your nice website (hair, car, nice handwriting) over there making me feel like junk about myself” when you see something you admire, is to dig deep and find out where your inner mean girl is coming from.
Do you have serious website shame, so seeing someone else have a shiny site reminds you of where you fall short? Are you someone that just always wants what others have? Get specific! When you can pinpoint exactly where your feelings are coming from, you can turn your frown upside down and use that envious tap on the shoulder (or smack in the face!) to make some improvements that will boost your confidence in a big way!
You’ve just got to buckle down, make a plan, and STICK TO IT!
That’s when the magic happens.
Oh, and when you see a woman at Aveda (the best salon ever!) with hair so shiny you could cry, go up to her and tell her so! Ask her who does her cut/color, what products she uses, and what her secrets are! Not only will you make her day, but you just might learn how to tame your out of control mane!
Need a little nudge to help you say peace out to self-sabotage? Check out these articles:
4 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
3 Step Plan to Defeat Self-Sabotage
How to Maintain Healthy Habits and Stop Self-Sabotage
Do you struggle with self-sabotage? How does it hold you back from achieving success? Leave a comment or email kim@kimberlyhaydn.com and share your story!
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