When you’re running a business, while raising children and operating a household, balance doesn’t come effortlessly. Not for most of us, anyway. Typically, we settle for a mixture of days where we feel like a freakin’ boss, days that are a healthy mix of “I rock” and crying in the pantry with a candy bar, and days we’d like to strike from the memory of 90% of the people we interacted with. In my opinion, there’s only one thing that can get us moms by, and that’s parenting with grace.
I’ve had issues with balance ever since I was a tween. I was a gymnast, and the balance beam terrified me. It was so thin, what if I fell? If I swayed even the tiniest amount to the left or right, I’d fall. If I didn’t land perfectly, I could fall off and break my neck! The beam was anxiety central for me.
Fast forward 20 years, and I still feel like I’m only one wrong move away from my world coming apart at the seems.
I’m trying to balance being an involved parent raising two kind, intelligent, healthy children with running a business entirely on my own, keeping my house clean and handling all the chores and upkeep that come along with that by myself because my guy works so much that we only get a good six hours a week of waking time with him, and all of the other miscellaneous tasks that fall upon my shoulders.
I can handle not getting the laundry done, or having to wait until tomorrow to check for broken links on my website. What haunts me at night, are the times I wasn’t the perfect mom, because I know I can’t get those moments back.
I can’t redo my daughter falling asleep waiting for me to come read with her in bed because my monthly group mentoring call went a little over.
My life is probably a lot like yours. Days spent trying to do it all; nights spent feeling sorry for not doing more.
Yesterday we made festive Rice Krispie treats, drew pictures, and practiced spelling for an extra half hour without any argument (that’s a BIG win). The house was clean, and I got my work done with enough time to catch the end of the Cubs game.
We also picked up my eldest daughter’s flute, which had a broken pad, that I kept forgetting to drop off at the music store until her music teacher called me last Friday to ask why the heck I hadn’t done it yet. I felt pretty ridiculous when my only response was “uh, we keep forgetting.” Whoopsie.
Oh, and on the way out of the house with my five month old to a playdate (that was cancelled right as we pulled out of the driveway), I knocked a big shelf over in the garage and broke the chandelier that has been sitting there since we moved in because I can’t find anyone to hang it.
There’s only one thing that gets me by most days, and that’s grace.
Momma, you don’t have to do it all.
The knowledge that having the laundry pile sit an extra day isn’t the end of the world, or that it won’t kill anyone if we go through the Wendy’s drive-through (have you heard, they have Taco Salads again!!) for dinner because I have no time to cook a meal, makes my life SO much less stressful.
Parenting with grace is so important, but it’s not always easy. Here are my favorite ways to give myself grace when it comes to my kids:
Rethink Your To-Do List
If your to-do list is a running list of tasks, I have a simple trick that will instantly make it feel more manageable.
First, if you have separate lists for work, kids, and “chores,” try combining them. I’m so much more productive when everything is in one place. You might be, too, so give it a try!
Consider prioritizing your list. Once I make my list, I put stars next to the things I absolutely MUST complete by the end of the day. If you want to, you can go a step further and also notate the second most important tasks, too.
This helps me stay on track, by tackling the most important things first. It also makes going to bed with a list I did not complete because I fell asleep at my desk and drooled all over said list, feel a lot better. As long as I crossed off all of my starred tasks, I can give myself a pass and feel good about what I accomplished!
Develop a Non-negotiable Routine with Your Kids
Our days are often chaotic, so our schedule changes frequently, making routines tricky at times.
I know that evenings can be particularly hit or miss, because of my work, and because of social activities. We might go out with friends on a Friday, and get home late, so we skip our bedtime routine of books and chatting about the day.
Because I know nights can be spotty, we have an after-school routine. As soon as my daughter walks in the door, we sit at the kitchen table for a snack, and to talk about the day. We’ll usually play a game, or do a craft. Then, it’s homework time.
While a non-negotiable bedtime routine filled with snuggles, stories, and bubble baths sounds glorious, it just isn’t always possible for my family. Choosing to be ok on the nights that things are more rushed, and finding a time that we can commit to connecting and creating a routine, is an excellent way to make your kids feel special. Bonus: you’ll feel better on those days when you aren’t able to get those bedtime stories in!
Write Down the Positives
Parenting with grace is largely about your attitude. Dwelling on the negatives is so much easier than focusing on the positives! I could be a freakin’ supermom 99% of the day, but you can be certain I will go to bed beating myself up about the 1% where I missed the mark.
Often, when I force myself to look at the positives and negatives, I’m relieved at how much fuller the good side is.
Sure, you forgot to send your child to school with lunch; not your finest moment.
But, you had a great morning filled with giggles. After school, you took a walk around the neighborhood and collected leaves. Your little one came up and gave you a hug and said “I love you” for no reason after dinner. Your baby took an extra long nap (which mine happens to be doing now- YES!).
When you begin training yourself to focus on the good things, parenting with grace gets a lot easier!
Set Boundaries, and Stick to Them
This is HUGE for us working moms!
Without boundaries, balance is nearly impossible. The better you can manage your clients (and your kids!) expectations, the better.
Think about your schedule, and set some office hours. Decide what days you will take off each week. If you have set vacation days you want to take during the year (say between Thanksgiving and the end of the year) block them off!
Be up front with clients about when they can expect to reach you, by not only verbally addressing it but by putting office hours on contracts, email signatures, and social media accounts.
When you are clear with people, it is much more likely that they will respect the boundaries you set.
Same with your kids! Do your little ones that nap around the same time each day? Use that time to work instead of cleaning the kitchen. As early as possible, train your kids to understand that when you’re working, they need to entertain themselves.
The better you can set them up for success, the more likely you are to get some things done! When my daughter was in preschool and home a few days during the week while I was running my business, I planned out activities for her and got supplies together over the weekend, so she could *hopefully* keep busy so I could get some uninterrupted work time in. It might have been a craft, or a new movie she wanted to watch, new books from the library, or a scavenger hunt around the house.
If your kids are too young to distract (my five-month-old has NO respect for my time or my work!), become a master at working when you can. It might mean waking up earlier, staying up later, or asking someone to come over for dinner (you feed them, they give you an hour of babysitting before dessert!).
If you can get comfortable with asking for help, balance will likely feel easier. It’s ok not always to have it all together, and to need a helping hand. Give yourself a pass, and ask for what you need!
When you’re a mom, and a business owner, guilt can seep in entirely too quickly. Parenting with grace, and giving yourself passes, can mean the difference between feeling like a boss or living in a constant state of feeling like you’re one step away from a nervous breakdown.
What are your favorite ways to give yourself grace when it comes to running your business, and taking care of your family? Share your tips in the comments, and rock on, mom boss. You’re doing a great job!
Latest posts by Kimberly Haydn (see all)
- Holiday Hacks + How to Have a Good Enough Christmas (and LOVE it) - December 5, 2018
- Increase Summer Sales with These Marketing Ideas! - July 4, 2018
- Seasons of Change: Navigating Building a Business while Raising Your Children - September 24, 2017